1st morning back Jan 16th 2017

Oh drawing I have missed you.
You are the best of who I am.
You are kind,
not short, not irritated.

Without you I am wanting
but with you I can see.

Without you I am anxious
but when I slip back
between your sheets
I am at peace.

Your relentless lessons
have taught me to be humble,
without flare. With you today
I will learn again.

Without you I am a vacuum
filled only with self doubt,
insecurities and need.

You are difficult, for sure,
but with you I see beauty
and in form finding, a quiet.

In age you see the history,
the girl and the woman.

In attitude
you see fragility.

You search for the truth.
You are inquisitive.
Sometimes you conceal
but you never lie.

Approached with caution,
with respect
and you are a true and
honest friend.

I am yours.

Be mine
and drawing
please don’t ever leave me.

 

Talking about drawing. A4 Drawing Unspecified 1st morning Jan 2017

Slipping back into your velvety graphic
I feel a peace.

 

 

Talking about drawing. A4 Drawing Unspecified 1st morning Jan 2017

Blue water, coral and sparkling fish
can not compete with your calm.

Lapping azure cannot
ease me like your lines.

 

Talking about drawing. A4 Drawing Unspecified 1st morning Jan 2017

Only by seeking the truth
will you reward.
Style, fakeness, cleverness
is punished.

 

 

Talking about drawing. A4 Drawing Unspecified 1st morning Jan 2017

I am held by your tranquility
and suspended
I am calm.

 

A4 Drawing No.12 Jan 2017

In your practice I see
beauty. I am kind
not short, not irritated.

 

A4 Drawing No.13 Jan 2017

Naked she sits.

I have the privilege
to see her truth,
the truth drawing shows me, life.

Muscles of a life lived
through time sits
still here with us
as we learn
from her form.

Privileged we are
to have this time
to learn from life.



 

A4 Drawing No.13 Jan 2017

I am a drawer
not a snorkeler
not a deep sea diver
or cliff top rider.

I am a viewer
a looker.
Not a doer.

A4 Drawing No.15 Jan 2017

How could I have been so stupid to leave your lessons, to empty my head of all but anxieties.
Thank you for staying.
I will not leave you again.

 

4 Drawing No.16 Jan 2017

With you I am
who I am now,
here, not who I
could or should
or want to be.

 

A4 Drawing No.18 Jan 2017
A4D18 Jan17

The peace you give
has to be earnt,
has to be taught
from time with you.

It can not be bought
can not be faked.

You are generous
but take you for granted
you are cruel.

It’s a beautiful
but not straightforward
relationship.

For me the immediacy in front
of life can not be
mimicked.

Lack of courage, laziness
is punished.

 

A4 Drawing No.17 Jan 2017
Truth is rewarded
kindly.

 

Have a word

 

23rd January 2017
Written at life drawing class

 

A4 Drawing No.18.2 Jan 2017  

writing about drawing

You are hard
and sometimes cruel
but with you I am
the best that I can be.

Not the shiniest, most famous, most admired
but the best of me.

 

 

Back of A4 Drawing No.15 Jan.2 2017

Its all I want to do
now.
Its all I should be
doing.

 

 

A4 Drawing No.16 Jan.2 2017

I have been life drawing since I was about 15 and over all those years I have learnt to be kind to myself, to drawing. I am strict, yes but not so full of self loathing, not so cruel, not so disappointed am I, when I draw. I let myself play, make mistakes, maybe its because I am learning not performing.

Life drawing is a shared experience, a small community all responding to the same object but individual stimuli.

January, after holidays, I am not interested in the colour of an apple.

I just want to draw.

I suffer from terrible loneliness, partly carrying my business alone but isolation hounds me. I have plenty of friends to visit but it’s work I want. Drawing in a community; that energy, makes me happy, makes me kinder to myself, less reproachful. It’s then that I can meet up for a beer and enjoy it. Only then.

 

 

A4 Drawing No.16.2 Jan.2 2017

Be patient.

Don’t be so angry
with yourself and
so full of self
hatred.

Be kinder.
Be more sympathetic.

 

 

A4 Drawing No.17. Jan.2 2017

Stop being
so cruel.

No wonder
your crying
all the time.

The one person
who you are
with all the
time is
mean.

Gives you a
hard time.

Feeds your
guilt.

She makes you
lonely and fills
you with self
loathing.

Please.

Have a word
with her.

 

A4 Drawing No.20 Jan.2 2017

I often say that drawing is mediative, but its not quite, there is way too much dialogue going on.

‘Fuck off’

I can hear my self reproach as my mind drifts to complimenting, confident, or even arrogant thoughts.*

*sometimes you can think, wow, this is going to be a good drawing, or “i am getting good at this, look at me go, and then the drawing shatters around you into fake pride

 

 

 

 

 

A4 Drawing No.22 to 34  Jan.2 2017

No writing, written after

And as the day slips on the voices, thank god, start to quieten. Wether its the work or the talk amongst the group, or the gathering of similar minds, the voices quieten and I just draw.